Why I Feel Bad for Tennis Parents (A Story From 25 Years on Court)

A few weeks ago, I was thinking back over my 25 years in player development. Not the trophies, the squads, or the “talented” players…
But the parents.

The uncomfortable conversations.
The accusations.
The shouting matches I never wanted.
The tears — theirs and sometimes mine.

I’ve been called everything under the sun:
“You’re holding my child back.”
“You’re jealous.”
“You’re arrogant.”
“You’re not qualified.”

But here’s the truth no one tells you:

I don’t blame them.
Not one bit.

Most parents love their children fiercely.
Most want to help.
Most are navigating a sport that feels more like a pressure cooker than a pathway.

The real problem isn’t parents —
it’s the system that teaches them to panic.

I've watched the consequences unfold in front of me:

Parents remortgaging houses.
Families falling apart.
Kids treated like full-time pros at 11.
Children burning out, dropping out, or losing their identity entirely.

And almost all of it comes from fear‑driven messages the sport feeds parents from day one:

“You must start early.”
“You must specialise.”
“You must take private lessons.”
“If you don’t commit now, it’s too late.”

None of it is supported by evidence.
All of it harms children.

Tennis doesn’t have a parent problem.
It has a system problem.

And until we fix the messages, we won’t fix the sport.

3 Coaching Ideas

1) Parents behave based on the environment, not their intentions

If you create rankings for under‑9s, “elite” academies for seven‑year‑olds, and talent labels before puberty…
Parents start acting like talent managers instead of supporters.

It’s not their fault — it’s what the system has taught them.

2) Early specialisation harms more than it helps

The research is overwhelming:
Kids who sample different sports outperform early specialists in the long run.
They have fewer injuries, less burnout, and higher motivation.

Yet tennis still sells the myth of “start early or get left behind.”

3) Kids quit when the sport stops feeling like theirs

Not because they don’t love tennis.
Because the environment stops loving them back.

Burnout, anxiety, dropout — all linked to parental pressure driven by fear (Crane & Temple, 2015).

We don’t need more rules.
We need better environments.

2 Questions for Coaches This Week

Are you educating parents… or accidentally adding to the noise?
Does your programme reduce fear — or reinforce the myths that create it?

1 Action to Make a Real Difference

Reply to this email if you want to:
• build a healthier programme
• educate parents effectively
• create environments where kids stay, grow, and genuinely love the sport

I’ll send you resources, support, or we can jump on a call.

Because protecting players starts with changing the messages they receive —
and that begins with us.

Talk soon,
Steve

My Tennis Coach Academy

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